Letting Go of Problematic Friends The Mature Way

I know I’m only some random teenager sitting at the computer when it’s past midnight, but I know that, sometimes, there are friends who just don’t work out. And no matter how much you might want or need a friend, or maybe even that particular friend, there’s just something that’s preventing the friendship from sticking together. Whether you just can’t get along, or have unsettled issues from the past, we all have those friends that don’t work out. And at some point, maybe after long and careful consideration, we all have to admit that we simply need to let go of the friendship.

Now, from here, there are several ways to go about this. There are more mature ways… and then there are the more childish ones.

Sometimes, you just simply stop talking to the other person. No one really knows why you two stopped talking, but you both know that it’s probably for the best. But, in my opinion, it’s better to formally end things than to ignore each other for the rest of your lives. Or, at least, that’s how I feel from personal experience.

I had this friend that worked out in the beginning, but soon got worse. She was constantly ignoring and avoiding me (along with other friends). Eventually, she stopped showing up all together. Even though we knew that she was going through some tough times, like I said earlier, we all knew that it probably was for the best.

But, because we had never officially tied things off, I was unsure about where we stood. There always was the possibility that she would just come back one day, because she often left us for periods of time before coming back with apologies and promises to be better. I started to think of all the mature and immature methods of breaking off friendships that exist in the world. And I felt that what was going on was one of the immature ways. So I decided to write her to make sure that we agreed where we stood in terms of us and our relationship.

If you have a problematic friendship and would rather drop the person as a friend, then I would try to find an opportunity like this. If they start to ignore you or if they begin to lean on other people, take your chance to end things right there. Now, if it’s not safe for you to talk to them, then it might be better to just drop things without saying much to avoid any abuse. However, if you can write or talk to them, then try to do the following:

Apologize. If you have done anything to possibly hurt them, make sure that you apologize. You don’t want to leave things unsettled or give them any reason to be mad at you in doing this. In my own letter I had apologized and made it clear that I had no intent to hurt them.

Explain yourself. This is where you start to say that you don’t want to be friends anymore. Even if they have hurt you in the past, it’s better to be vague then to make accusations, as this could lead to argument. Make it clear that you want things to end, and that it’s too late to go back now.

Be respectful. Overall, throughout the whole message, you should keep a kind and respectful tone. Just because you might have had some issues in the past does not mean that you need to be really rude and sassy. Remember: you want to be civil and mature about the whole thing.

(Optional) Leave things on good (friendly?) terms. Maybe this was a stupid thing of me to do, but I didn’t want to act mean to each other for the rest of our lives. So I said that if she did need help with something, she could ask me. I didn’t want to be enemies, but more like acquaintances. I think it’s better (and more mature, maybe) to avoid becoming enemies. Besides, who needs hate in their life anyway?

And what happens at the end of all this? Well, a good (or better, at the least) ending should follow. For me, apologies were exchanged, then our good bye’s and well wishes for each other, and that was it. From that point on, we were free to continue growing as people and we were able to blossom into better versions of ourselves. The only difference was that we weren’t friends anymore, which, in the long run, was probably better for the both of us.

Now, that, in my opinion, is better than any silly and petty argument. And certainly better than stressing over a problematic friendship.